Hate Letters
by Couer de Danse
Summary: Teddy Lupin hates his parents for dying on him, and he tries to cope by writing letters.


_Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition as Beater 1 for the Appleby Arrows._

_Prompts: (quote) "If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill" -Danish Proverb__ (word count) 2834 words exactly_

* * *

Dear Remus and Tonks,

I'm not really sure what to call you, since I do not know you. I guess I could have started out with a 'Dear dad and mum,' but it does not really feel right to me. But anyway, it was not my idea to start writing to you both. Victoire, one of my friends, thought it might be a good idea to write my feelings down in a letter to you guys. I don't know, maybe she is right. Maybe it will help.

But today I did learn something- I learnt the truth. About how you both died. I mean, I always knew you both died a 'heroic death' as Harry, and everyone else, tells me. I just never knew the details, though, not until today. They tell me how brave you were, fighting in the battle, protecting Hogwarts. Hm.

It was heroic, of course, but I just can not stop thinking about how you both left me. I know, I know, you guys were just protecting the Wizarding World, but how could you leave me! How could you willingly throw yourselves into battle, knowing that you had me waiting back at home. It's just- after all these years... I still can not help but be incredibly upset with you both.

How could you abandon me like that. Not just you, of course, but all those kids who grew up with no parents like me.

You know, I start Hogwarts in less than a year.

And while everyone is waving goodbye to their families, to their parents, I will not have any family to say goodbye to. I will probably never forgive you both for that.

Does that make me an awful person? To hate your parents because they died for a greater cause? I am constantly feeling like I am the worst person in the world. This is not fair. I did not get a choice whether or not you both lived or died, so why am I paying the consequences.

You know what makes matters worse? It's that all the adults- Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, George, Charlie, Bill, Arthur, Neville, Luna- EVERYONE, all talk about how great you both were. And they al have these memories that I will never get to share in.

I hate you. I will never forgive you. And in my eyes, you are not heroes. You did not save my life, you ruined it.

I can't believe I am ranting at a piece of parchment. Now I know I have definitely lost my mind, what with writing horrible (but true) things to my dead parents. I guess this is a step better than actually yelling aloud.

This is too much, I am only going on random tangents. They all lead to the same thing, though.

Huh, I guess Victoire was wrong. This does not help at all. If anything, I am more upset than I was before I started writing.

Thanks for nothing,

"Your son"

Teddy Lupin

* * *

Dear Remus and Tonks,

Just got on the train for Hogwarts. Harry and them all met me off, so I guess it was not too bad. I do still wish that I would have had you guys there, it may have been more enjoyable. I have to admit, though, I am really curious on how your guy's first day went. I may or may not be a bit nervous, especially after hearing Harry, Ron, and Hermione's stories about their days in Hogwarts.

Currently, I'm sitting by myself in the compartment. It's a bit boring and all I can think about is what house I'll be sorted into. Gryffindor, like my father, or Hufflepuff, like my mother. Would any other house be a disgrace? Because I don't want to disappoint you guys.

Not that it matters, though, I hate you.

Right.

I am also having trouble with what 'look' I should go with. Harry says that I should just be who I am, sandy blonde hair and dark green eyes. I don't know. Victoire, that friend I wrote about last year, she says she really likes it when I change my hair to this electrifying blue color, and my eyes to a violet. She says it makes me look like I am some sort of fairy.

Is that a compliment? And does that mean I should change it?

Wait.

A boy around my age just walked in, and he brought friends.

Be back soon,

Teddy

* * *

Dear Remus and Tonks,

Sorry about cutting it off short earlier.

Guess what?

I'm in Ravenclaw!

Yeah, yeah, I know. Weird, right? Ravenclaw out of all the houses! It's fine though, that boy I met on the train, Will, got sorted into it with me too. And, oh! You should have seen what happened at the feast tonight! They are these pranksters (probably not as good as Fred and George, and the Marauders, and yes I know about them) and they used magic to make each House's animal into fireworks. I am not sure if that makes sense, but it was very cool and I could not be any more excited to start.

And there is something else.

Before I left, Harry gave me a couple gifts. Heh, no wonder the Marauders and the Weasleys were the best pranksters. An Invisibility Cloak and a map that shows everyone on Hogwarts ground at all times. I can't believe that he never used it for pranks though, always just trying to save the world and what not.

Don't worry, I'll make sure to carry on the legacy. I mean, who better than the son of a Marauder?

Even though it's the first night, I think I'm going to take the Cloak and the map for a spin. It's less likely that anyone will be out patrolling, or they are least likely to care if a First Year is out of bed. At least let's hope so.

But before I go, I would like to apologize for my last letter. I still hate you guys, just, not as much.

Cheers to the next best seven years of my life.

Until next time,

Teddy

P.S. I ended up not changing. Who knows? Secrets can come in handy.

* * *

Dear dad and mum,

I graduated today.

It was weird not to have you there. Especially weird since I've been writing to you guys every night I've been at Hogwarts. And tonight's the last one. Well, maybe not for forever, just for now.

Sitting here, reminiscing. You'd think I'd be partying just like everyone else.

(Although I do have a bottle of firewhisky with me, so really the party is all here).

I am going to miss Hogwarts, it's my home. There are so many good memories here. My friends are here, the closest thing I have to family. I am not stupid, I know that I will not see a lot of them for awhile. We all have our own lives to get on with. Me, going on to being an auror. Just like my mother, and I am sure, father, that you would have been one too, if not for the incredibly ignorant werewolf laws. I'm glad that Hermione has been changing those. Slowly, but they are changing.

I will be glad for no more Head Boy duties. A person can only take so much of a nagging and rude Head Girl before getting fed up. And no more patrolling! Honestly, if people want to shag and have the decency to spare their dorm mates from seeing and hearing- you know what? I am just going to stop right there. Definitely not going to have this conversation with you. Well, I guess it is not much of a conversation since you are both dead.

Heh. Now this is depressing.

The biggest day of my life and I spend it writing to my dead parents like I have for the last seven years. Yeah, nothing crazy going on here.

If only my friends knew what I did in my free time.

Merlin, none of this would not be happening, of course, if it were not for the fact that you are dead. I do not know why I still can not get over that. Even after all these years, I still hate you both for leaving me. The only people who left me to were Grandmum Andromeda and Harry, who you deem so fit to by my Godfather. They have their own lives, Grandmum has already had to raise a child, and Harry has his own children to look after.

I was literally no one's child. And now I am an adult, free to make my own decisions. One decision I will not make is leaving my child, the mistake you both made.

There I go again. Bloody hell, I am just angry now. Every time I think about it, I just get more and more upset.

I have to go. Something tells me that I should just go and join the party.

Let's pretend that we all have a glass of firewhisky to cheers to, and let's pretend I actually care about you.

Right, so until later.

Teddy

* * *

Dear dad and mum,

I asked Victoire to marry me. She said yes. I am now the happiest man alive, I swear. No really, I am. And it was much harder than I thought it would be.

When I first woke up this morning, though, I did not know I would ask her. But just waking up next to the beautiful blonde and seeing her gorgeous, sleepy smile I realized that that is what I wanted to wake up to every morning. So, once she left for the day I went to a Goblin's jewelry store and picked out a ring I had hoped she loved. A nice silver band with a large diamond in the middle of two smaller diamonds. Although it was expensive, it was worth it. I know she loves flashier jewelry more than simple ones, but I do not think that is a bad thing. That is just the kind of a person Victoire is. And she is the best, so she undoubtedly deserves the best.

So I had a ring, I just needed to ask. I took Victoire to the beach from her old cottage, and as we walked up and down we talked about our biggest dreams and our happiest memories with each other. Then I started playing with her, and dragged her out into the water. She, of course, started complaining about me ruining her dress, but I didn't give her much time to say anything else before I kissed her. Then I got down on one knee, ruining my trousers by the way, and asked her. I barely could get the words out, and she could barely keep her sobs in. Thinking about it now, I do not actually think I technically asked her. But she got the message, so it is okay. Right?

Oh Merlin, I messed everything up, didn't I?

No, you know what? It's all fine. We are all good. Right, okay.

This is a bit off topic, but not really, it's still about Victoire. She looked so incredibly beautiful today. I would not be surprised if she had suspected that I was going to ask her anyway, she is really good at knowing things like that. I secretly suspect that she is a seer, but whenever I tell her that she just hits me. Obviously, I make sure to bug her about it regularly.

I feel a little creepy right now, I am just watching her sleep as I write. No make up and snoring still does not seem to dim down her beauty.

I am not sure why I wrote tonight. Maybe because I feel it was important enough.

Always,

Teddy

P.S. Just because I did not mention how upset I am with you both, do not disbelieve for a second that I still do not like you guys. Now I have the chance to start a family, and I will do it right.

* * *

Dear dad and mum,

The moment I have been waiting for for my entire life is coming up. Victoire is going to have a baby, or two since we think that they are going to be twins! I am going to be a parent, and one that is not going to leave, not like you.

I am not sure what we will name them, we will cross that bridge when we get to it, I guess.

The healers say that she is now three months in, and every looks good. That is Victoire, though, always have to have perfection in every aspect of her life. Already her kids are trying to live up to her impossible expectations. I do not mean that in a bad way, she's my wife and I love her more than anything, and she deserves perfection in everything.

Including our new house, which we have just finished moving into. Hopefully it will have enough space for us all to live comfortable in, just not too much. It makes me nervous when there is too much space, it is one of the reasons why I had to move out of the Head's dorm. I could not handle having all that space and nothing to fill it with. We do have enough room, however, to let our children have their own rooms plus a playroom, which I hope they will love. We also have another room for a guest room, since her family is so big there will no doubt be a lot of visits made.

No matter how many times she complains about them, Victoire is so lucky to have so many people who love her in her life. One day I will get that. Sooner than later actually, only a couple more months.

No thanks to you guys.

Right, well I want to go and start the nursery rooms before Victoire gets home. I can not really go wrong with anything, too, since Victoire picked out everything she knew would look good. Merlin knows I would have just picked all the wrong things out and would have also probably gave our children nightmares with my awful taste in decoration.

The-man-thankful-for-his-wife,

Teddy

* * *

Dear dad and mum,

The healers were right, they are twins. Beautiful blonde tufts of hair on each head and dark, green eyes on each face.

But, oh Merlin.

I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. I understand now, I do not hate you. I do not even think I ever did hate you both!

But because of me, because of my jealous of everyone with a family, I killed my wife. I killed her, because I rushed into having a family. I rushed into everything. It was just like Victoire said, "If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill". She knew I was jealous and angry, she tried to help, but I did not listen. I wish I would have known what my years of hatred of other people with families would do, I wish I had accepted everyone else's love.

That is all Victoire would do, she would just love everyone. Victoire was an amazing women. She talked obnoxiously, yet was the best listener around. And there was this thing I loved, like whenever she helped someone she would get the biggest smile on her face. Then she would go on these tangents about how little things could help people and with that they could change the world. Of course I would make fun of her and she would just laugh me off, as if she thought that I was the strange one, which I am. I miss her laugh. It was so contagious, and could make everyone else in the room laugh.

She died while giving birth, she lost too much blood too fast, that not even the blood replenishing potions could help her. She is gone, and I can not bring her back. I can not do anything but care for our children the way I have always wanted to, the way we always wanted to.

I was wrong. It was not your fault for me being alone, it was my own doing. I did not accept the family I had. Grandmum Andromeda, Harry, the rest of them. And now the women I love is dead, but she did bring me the most amazing thing. Actually, she brought me two in the world.

Love always,

Your son,

Teddy

P.S. We never had decided on a name, figuring we would both know when we saw them. Instead, I had to pick. Remus and Victoria, I hope she likes it, wherever she is. Maybe she is with you guys, and someday I will be there too.

P.S.S. I'm glad that she told me to write to you guys, all those years ago. She taught me more about myself than I could have figured out on my own.


End file.
